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I Bet If You Cut Off His Hair He Would Stop Being So Good

1st Charles Reinke averaged a frankly ridiculous 503 points, won all five of his games, accumulated a spread of +807, and left the rest of the world wondering when the madness would ever end. His first two games, played at the same time, were his least impressive of the night. He scored only 470 against Sue, and barely escaped Helen, 428-403. Helen's bingos of CHORINES and TATTLER were nearly enough to prevent future events from ever transpiring, but it was not to be. Things picked up for Charles against Bryan, where he bingoed 4 times with INTRANET, GOSPELER, MORTISES, and NUTBARS on his way to a nearly 200-point victory. In the third round, against his dear brother, he opened with EXOTICS and later got a 6-tile overlap NORITES. Thomas, for his part, played RUMINATE, THALWEGS, and yet another nine-letter phony, FLICKERER*. If it ever comes up again, remember that FRECKLIER is the valid play with those letters. Charles finished up his night with a nice and tidy 600 against Richard. He not only bingoed 4 times, but scored 30 or more on the turns between those bingos. The only thing stopping him from 700 was Richard selfishly hogging a blank and an S for himself.

2nd Aaron Bader went 3-1 +428, averaging 464 which seems like a lot until you think about what some other player averaged tonight. He got off to a hot start against Betty, slapping down three straight bingos to open the game, SLEETIER, MANTEAUS, and ABALONES. He used that decisive advantage to cruise to an easy win, scoring 533. Against Thomas, it was close most of the way until an untimely V draw for him and a timely blank draw for his opponent led to a 27 point loss, 393-420. Aaron recovered from that injustice quickly, winning 526-363 against Mary. Somehow he played SPIERED for 110 points; that feels like too many points for such a word. An independent commission has been organized to investigate this incident. As those suspicious events were unfolding, he also beat Helen 402-371.

3rd Bryan Benwitz continued the proud tradition of people coming in third place winning three games, going 3-1 +189. He got the bulk of his bingoing out of the way against Gail in the first round, playing GORDITA (n. something you can get at Taco Bell), DEFIERS, and AEONIAN. He ran into a speed bump, as so many of us do, against Charles, but responded with a big win against Dave, featuring the sole bingo of ALIUNDE (adj. from another source, used in law). Victory was again his in the final game, beating Thomas 402-400.Thomas played TENABLE and SALTERS, while Bryan played GANOIDS and EMIGRATE. Bryan won the game by finding the one winning play with three tiles (including a blank) on his rack. There were probably hundreds of plays he could have made; Thomas wonders why he didn't chose on of those.

Richard played the word of the week, ASTYLAR, which means "having no columns". What an appropriate term for many things in our lives!

Thomas Reinke Ruins More Dreams Than Usual

1st Thomas Reinke cruised to an undefeated night, going 4-0 +477. His first rack of the night, containing two blanks, was a good omen, as he used that early advantage to beat Lynda 481-340. In that game, he played what is seeming to be one of his favorite bingos, GOETHITE (n. an ore of iron, named after noted renaissance man Johann Wolfgang von Goethe), a word he has now played three times. He didn't draw both blanks right away against Bryan, but did draw THERIAC, which he then supplemented with REALIGNS and the phony disconnected-nine GEMCUTTER* (n. one who cuts gems, except apparently not). Bryan got down INTRUDE, but fell 314-495. Gotta play more phony nines if you want to win against a guy who has no shame! Thomas then performed the notable feat of holding Charles bingoless in his 418-376 win. Charles made it close considering his lack of rack-clearers, but this club doesn't keep track of moral victories. In the final game, the decisive contest for ultimate club supremacy, Thomas beat Michael 440-327 despite a missed triple-triple. Passing up triple-triples is usually not the correct strategy, but it seemed to work out for him on this night. These experts just operate on a different level than the rest of us.

2nd Charles Reinke went 3-1 +275, his bingoless game against Thomas denying him his usual undefeated glory. His first rack of the night, containing two blanks, was a good omen (sound familiar?). It took him a while, but after a few turns of awkward racks (including the saddest orphan bingo ever, KOLKHOZ), he got down BLINTZES for 104 on his way to a 455-359 win against Richard. Charles was outbingoed 2-3 against Gail, but still earned the win, 470-387. Gail got down FAULTIER, BLINDERS, and REALISES versus Charles' DAUTIES and SHARPIE. After staring at a whole game's worth of non-bingo racks against Thomas, he turned his attention to Lynda, against whom he resumed his bingoing ways. He played TAILGATE, RATTENED, and CLEANERS in that 495-357 win.

3rd Bryan Benwitz was the second of three players who went three-and-Thomas (the other being Michael), going 3-1 +268. I don't know if he drew both blanks on his first rack, he probably didn't, but he still won 466-301 against Helen, playing FLOWAGES, ROOTAGES, and CARRIONS. His night got off track a little bit in his game against Thomas, but Bryan got it right back on track again against Gail, scoring 509. He got down ERGOTIC, INSOLATE (v. to expose to sunlight), and ORIENTED. In the final game, against Richard, he won 459-341 with the help of SOIGNEE and DARKEST. Richard played FOOTLIKE (n. a monetary unit of... never mind) and SALUTING, but it was not enough. No, not nearly enough.

Dave played the word-of-the-week UNCINATE (adj. bent at the end like a hook). It doesn't take an S or D at the end, but it does take an R at the front, making RUNCINATE (adj. pinnately cut with the lobes pointing downward, apparently how dandelion leaves are shaped).

Charles Reinke Wages Word War

1st Charles Reinke, tired of mundane 4-0 outings, surpassed that drudgery with a stellar 5-0 +669 performance. He built up some momentum in the first round by taking out both Betty Hasselkus (482-290) and Mary Becker (399-381). That momentum was clearly carried over into the next round as he scored a mind-boggling 647 against Gail Salm. Charles had just three bingos in that game (RETAKES, INWEAVES, and VICTORIA), not an unusual total for him, but a bevy of high-scoring power tile plays were what propelled his score to stratospheric heights. Charles ensured that another three bingos (ANTEDATE, STERLING, DELATES) were on order for Bryan Benwitz, but the score of that game was a more reasonable 453-402, as Bryan got down CENTRUMS and VALIANCE (anagram VALENCIA). As so often happens, Charles had to face his undefeated brother in the final round, and, given that Charles got first-paragraph honors here, you know who won. In contradiction of their high per-game averages, the match between brothers ended in a somewhat low 412-395 score, and neither player reached their bingo average either (Charles had PAVISERS and ADRENALS; Thomas had REIGNITE).

2nd Thomas Reinke had a perfect record going into the fourth round and should have stopped there, but he foolishly played his fourth game to wind up with a 3-1 +376 record. He took out Lynda Finn in the first round by callously denying her even a single bingo, despite the UN having declared bingos to be a universal human right. The final score was 461-347, and Thomas had the only two bingos in the game, EROTICS and AIRLIFT. Thomas wasn't quite as callous in the next game against Dave Gilligan, allowing him to play a 90-point POTTIES, but the result was even more lopsided, this time 456-300 in Thomas' favor. Two bingos of TORNADIC and FAIRIEST certainly helped there. A third big win was tallied against the wily Richard Lauder, 389-266, despite a big bingo of HAZINESS from Richard's end. Thomas continued his trend of playing dubious comparatives that started with FAIRIEST by unblinkingly laying down TOWERIER. What's next for this madman? IVORIEST? PARTIEST?

3rd Bryan Benwitz narrowly missed second place, going 3-1 +364 (for the mathematically-impaired, that's 12 fewer spread points Thomas). Just saying, twelve points could easily be made up over four games via "innocent" "scoring errors". Bryan didn't break 400 in either of his first two wins, but managed to average 432 for the session thanks to a big game at the end. He defeated Helen Flores 386-288 with bingos of RESTIVE and TUNDRAS, then played a very similar game against Mary Becker which he won 392-304 (getting down SORTERS and TRIPLING). Neither opponent bingoed, which is always a strategy for success if it can be pulled off and if you don't care about blatantly violating UN resolutions. After a brief hiccup in the form of a loss to first-placer Charles Reinke, Bryan released the full power of his word arsenal upon Gail Salm, and won their match 549-320. In truth, Bryan didn't have to delve that deep into his well of words, as his three bingos were rather pedestrian: DILUTERS, ENTITLE, and SITTERS.

Dave Gilligan is the proud recipient of Word of the Week with his find of HEJIRAS, played against Lynda Finn.